MOVING FROM CITY TO COUNTRY, THE COASTS TO MIDWEST, PROS AND CONS, MIDWEST CULTURE

MOVING FROM CITY TO COUNTRY, THE COASTS TO MIDWEST, PROS AND CONS

Let me preface this - Mme de Gustave has lived in London (5 yrs), New York City propper (aka Manhattan), 6 years, Brooklyn (3 yrs), Philadelphia Old City (2 yrs), Bavaria Germany in a Kaff (7 yrs), San Francisco (3 yrs), a small town in Iowa of 10,000 people (4 yrs), a medium town in North Dakota of 200,000 people (1 yr), a smaller town in KS of 65,000 people (5 yrs).

Therefore I feel amply qualified to speak on this matter of city versus country, more so than the famous Beatrix Potter book The Tale of Johnny Town Mouse.

Those of us who have spent much time in cities in our 20's and built our own family there, made of friends, may at some point long for the country. We may love the quiet we experienced on a getaway trip, a short commute or wish we had more reliable friends close by - we'd walk down the street or go to buy bread and bump into people - this is rare in cities (although it depends as in some social circles a city becomes like a small village), so city dwellers may long for it.

I write to tell you my experience and advice - do what you will with it.

PROS OF LEAVING THE METROOLIS and moving to a medium sized town

• ·      Lower cost of living - not only is milk cheaper (or almond milk), real estate taxes are less, gas prices are lower if you own a car, insurance is lower and after school programs are very affordable - for example Boys and Girls Club (often housed inside the schools) may cost $100 per semester for K12 and they might provide before school care from 7 am and after school care until 6 for 6 months for that price per child. A 4 bedroom house may only cost $200,000....
• ·       Child care is WAY cheaper - yes, you can find quality child care for about $20 per day. Not per hour - per DAY per child.
• ·       Shorter commute - yes the country will be close to te edge of town, so even if you live a little out, your commute will be 10 minutes or less. You might even gain 10 hrs back per week and can use that time for whatever else you want to use it - for ex extra sleep
• ·       Lower house prices, you can actually get a first time home owners loan with low down payment to buy a house. Your mortgage may only be $900 - 1,500 depending on the size of the house and the downpayment.
• ·       More space - you can spread out - the kids can watch TV without disturbing you, etc etc.
• ·       A garden - yes you can garden, plant veggies and even get chickens....
• ·       Lost and Found always has lost items, even iphones and cash. People are less likely to steal your stuff. So next time your teenager looses  a phone in a mall - count on lost and found having it because someone handed it in! This may not be true for all areas, but it has been true in my experience.
• ·       Better air - yes the air is cleaner and better outside the city - your place won't get covered in that city black dirt/grime that spreads everywhere in your apartment (less dusting!) and nor will your lungs. Your skin will also improve.
• ·       Quieter - you have never experienced quiet until you live in a smaller area with zero noise at night - better sleep hands down
• ·       More time - you will end up with more spare time, and can use that to be creative or read - whatever you like! You will get more done than your fellow city dwelling friends....if you are a writer or artist this is very important....if not use it to do DIY projects or take your wife out to dinner more...
• ·       You can be part of the city council, city committees and other important higher up jobs, boards etc, if you want to - there is less social climbing required and that can make you feel like you have more agency and it can be empowering.
• ·       You may have enough money left over to travel more and enjoy the city you used to live in, by going there as a visitor - I travel more than most of my friends in NYC, because I can afford it and have more time
• ·       Nature and serenity are close by, so you can go on long walks, and enjoy the soothing nature of nature
• ·       Low crime - people really do leave their doors unlocked and their cars running to keep warm outside the gas station in the winters.
• ·       Kids can use the school bus which is free, no problem! Low crime means you do not have to worry about safety or being broken into.
• ·       Police come fast, as they are not busy - if you do have an emergency, the police will be at your home in a flash.
• ·       In emergencies, people are more willing to help out than in cities.
• ·       There are fewer to no lines - the DMV, 10 mins tops, less waiting at the doc or voting. The post office has less of a line as does the social security office - immigration - you will be the only one there aside from maybe 5 people.
• ·       All this means that you can focus on work or family or leisure more and then also save more for retirement.
• ·       In some places, residents buy second homes and can afford it....
•      You will also find that you can handle more stress because there is less travel stress and less environmental noise.

OK so that all sounded wonderful - but wait -there is more - below are the cons and downsides....it will depend on your own ingenuity, your age, your situation (kids or not) whether you can live with these or wok against them.

DIS SPELLING THE MYTH OF THE SMALL AMERICAN TOWN - THE CONS OF MOVING TO A SMALL OR MEDIUM TOWN,

• ·       If the town is not a college town or a military town with "high turn over" or "transience" as they call it, the towns social structure may be rigid or stale. This means, that people may not want to make new friends or THEY MAY NOT KNOW HOW TO. You may find it hard to make friends unless you are beginning work there or going to school there (but even then it could be harder than in a  larger metropolitan area).
• ·       People may be too closed minded to "strangers" like you and generally might not want to get to know you. They don't see the point. If the town is very small, less than 30K, most people may have been born there and may not want to network -they may not know what that is. They have friends and don't need new ones. There is less of a social strata to climb, less jobs and no reason to network, or again less need to know new people.
• ·       In some towns people (for example parents at the schools) only talk to people who go to "their" church and they know if you don't. They will avoid you as an outsider.
• •     Gas stations play country music (but on the plus side they are clean, safe  and have many bathrooms)
• ·       Many more people in the midwest are religious - so if you are not, you will find it hard to meet people and make friends. They are church specific - so watch out for their dumb church discrimination as Mme de Gustave calls it. Contrary to Christian teaching, they WILL discriminate. Find the outsiders int he town, make friends with them - there are transplants form NYC and Philly and the West coats everywhere!
• ·       People in small towns are less tolerant to people who look different, or are from other places in the US and Europe. If you are there for a day they will adore you, but if you move there they will ignore you.
• ·       If there is a university those may be good people to hang with as they are also transplants.
• ·       People in the midwest in particular HATE confrontation. If you have a problem at work or doing business, people are very bad at talking it out. They will harbor resentment and then attack years later or vote against you on a committee. But if you confront them they can;t handle it and might walk away or not know how to react, maybe even cry.
• ·       In supermarkets people in the mid west say "excuse me" even if 3 feet are between you and the passing person. This drives Mme de Gustave CRAZY!
• ·       You may miss culture - some small towns simply do not have a general appreciation for art and theatre. You may miss it over time, even if you never have time to go in your city. Knowing it is there means a lot.
• ·       If you are rude in the post office, you can bet that the news of your rudeness has travelled to at least 10 people by noon.
• ·       Read their newspaper - in one town I lived, they published who got speeding tickets and DIY's and then my mother in law would gossip about these people.
• ·       The general intelligence is lower - be prepared to find gun wielding republicans who are racist - but also intellectual famers and activists (yet they are less outspoken).
• ·       People  in general talk more about others than about ideas. Being entrepreneurial is not so common.
• ·       I was once told, when I told my child's teacher we were moving for MY job to another town, "Oh good for YOU". If I was a man she would have congratulated me, but in this case, the subtext was that I was selfish.
• ·       Environmental laws are much more laxe - be prepared to become outraged at logging or other land use policies. You CAN change those things by becoming involved in governance.
• ·       Don’t expect your in laws to watch the kids - you may have heard mid westerners are kid friendly - but this may not be the case depending on your family.
•      The vegetable area at supermarkets is sometimes dodgy - many midwesterners do not know that you have to look at and smell them. Sometimes you will find bad salad that has gone off, or sprouts and micro greens that have gone bad but noone takes it off the shelf. Out of every 10 visits one will turn up bad veggies. i ma not sure why - maybe supermarket workers do not know to look?
•      At the supermarket checkout the workers will OFTEN pick up something like a radish or a chilli for example and ask "what is this" - I even got asked that about an onion once. It has happened to me MANY times in MANY midwestern cities. You will feel like asking them "did you grow up under a rock? How can you not know what that is?" But don't - remember this person might be the daughter of the HR person or a colleague - so just tell them. They just don;t grow up cooking fresh food. They make weird casseroles with cornflakes on top, that contain mushroom soup powder and all manner of artificial and fattening items. The culture simply is stuck in some other realm at times, but this is not true of everyone. In general health related food things are about 25 yrs behind the large cities. But again, everywhere you go, there ARE health conscious and more educated people (I can only chaulk the lack of knowledge about food to education but perhaps it is purely cultural!?)
•       People's houses smell, often. NOT everyone's but I have walked into many an apartment or house that has not been aired out in years. Opening windows is not a thing especially in the winter. House plants are also a thing you will not see, especially not live ones (plastic yes !).
•      Your saviour is that many towns now contain New Yorkers and people form California who are moving here to escape the high hosuing costs. They want to save and have more space. Make friends with them! The worst part is, that those who grew up here, think they know better than you and will adopt this "around here we do it this way" attitude. It can be patronizing at times. If you are thin, everyone will think you must be in  your 20's and treat you like a child - also infuriating....
•       In general people get married in their mid to late 20's. If you are 35 or 45 and have young kids and are in shape, people will think you are in your 20's. There have hardly been any parents I can relate to as a professional figure who is in their late 30's with young kids. 
•       You WILL go to parties and see red wine on ice, jello salad, obese people, bad food and one more thing - if a party starts at 8, everyone arrives then - they don't rsvp and noone is "fashionably" late - they have never heard of this. You will see bad furniture, bad design, smelly houses, lack of sunlight in houses and lack of fresh air and house plants. You will cringe. But you will meet others like you and you can cringe together and subtly take that red wine out of the deathly cooler! Culture? It is a little behind in the midwest - but not everywhere. Just in small towns.

In conclusion, my advice is to make sure the town has more than 50,000 people. There is a huge difference between a 10,000 people town and one that has more - these numbers may seem small if your city has millions but there is a 50K threshold in my experience. My experience in the 10,000 people town was awful. I did make friends with all the other foreigners there however. Make sure there are some big companies, a university perhaps or a city close by. Having a large city within 2 hrs drive is a life saver. You will feel like leaving every 3 months. The city will provide culture, art, music, anonymity if you crave that and then you can go on mini trips. So inbetween enjoying your new lifestyle, you can enjoy culture. Either way - be very friendly to people wherever you go. The guy who fixes our car may be your friend's Dad at school. The post office lady may be the school teacher as well, and the HR lady your MIL's best friend - many know each other even if you do not know anyone. If you are rude, word will get out even in a medium town, so try hard not to be rude, not even in the post office, as the post office clerks are rude all over the states, no matter where you are.

Books on this topic:

BOOKS

·       TownMouse /  Country Mouse by Jan Brett (kids book)

·       TheTale of Johnny town Mouse by Beatrix Potter -  this book says it all! (kids book)

·       CountryMatters - moving from a big city to an old country farm house by Michael Korda

·       ThrowingRocks at Goats - advice and stories about moving to the country by Will Dyuran

BLOGS

·       We left the city and never looked back: https://www.trulia.com/blog/what-if-we-left-the-city/

·       Move to the country and live the life: https://www.creeklinehouse.com/quit-job-city-move-country-live-life/

·       What City People must know before moving to the country: https://www.offthegridnews.com/how-to-2/what-city-people-must-know-before-moving-to-the-country/

·       Relocating form the city: https://medium.com/thrive-global/how-relocating-from-busy-city-to-rural-changed-my-perspective-on-well-being-b26742c24d12